The Reaction

The first blood bag delivered nearly early morning. It dripped slowly, very much slowly like my body refused to. The process was delaying a bit too long and it wasn’t  good anymore. so they took it away and waited for another one.

The blood started to separate the component inside and if it entering my body in contradiction could harm my body, burdening my organ and could be dangerous.The second blood bag transported some hours after the administration procedure that I didn’t know.

How was I supposed to know when all I can do just lying helplessly . Even when I need to go to the bath room, my head  felt so bloody hot and boiling. I fainted again for the second time. The last think I remembered, I tried to reach out and hold the washing basin  before fell down and sitting on the floor. They gave me an antihistamine shot just in case my body show sign of refusal. Well it very much weird, bad, embarrassing also funny at the same time. My body  reacted  by spreading rash and small bump all over the skin. And my scalp went wild. It was very itchy, like I got a thousand lice on my head crawled  onto my  scalp and hair. I was desperately scratching and scratching until they gave another anti histamine shot.

I couldn’t barely sleep, since I arrived. Luckily I can eat well. Maybe too hungry and too much blood loss and need as soon as possible regeneration, recharge and redemption. Thank God my second and the third blood bag relatively went well. It was just a little bit fuss in dripping fluently, a little clog in the infuse valve but could  easily be fixed.

After my fourth blood bags, It’s clearly that I gained my strength very much much than when I first came. I think I could be home soon.


The Hemoglobin

My hemoglobin dropped extremely low. It was only 4.4. The normal standard for women is around 12-16. with a normal menstruation, it’s never in ideal level, how the world it could be in a good level for I got 3 to 4 times heavy periods because of the myoma inside. I was so lucky because the extra low hemoglobin didn’t made me shocked. Some patient got shocked, remain unconscious and could’t recuperate and never wake up again.  It’s was a right decision to find help right away in that critical situation. Thank God.

The hemoglobin, an iron containing blood transport metalloprotein in our  red blood cells to our whole body.  Imagine a lot of dump trucks unloading the deliverance of fresh blood rich in oxygen and loading the  blood with carbon dyoxide straight away.

The function is very vital for our life. As we take a breath, it’s the hemoglobine who deliver the oxygen. The lower level of hemoglobine in our blood, the fewer oxygen  level in our blood. A simple explanation why I felt so weak, fatigue and very ill. there wasn’t enough red blood cells to deliver the oxygen need. I need blood transfusion right away to lift it up. In a normal situation, some medicine and additional  food rich with iron could help. But in this emergency situation, the only way to help me is blood transfusion.

It was meant to transfuse 4 blood bags to leverage my hemoglobin. Theoretically it need 1 blood bag to lift 1 point hemoglobin level. One blood bag is around 350 cc and I need 4 bags, just to lift up and a safe zone. I lied down try to gain my strength while they prepare the transfusion. I was hungry, shaky and limp at that moment. Of course I remained conscious but couldn’t barely sleep. The waiting process seemed for so long. But at least I believe it safe, so much believe that I was in the right hand.

The Emergency Room

I managed to lie down for some times. It felt so horribly wrong, my head felt so heavy, hot, weird and ache at the moment. I felt all my body was ill and  so painful. it was so dizzy, unbalance and didn’t feel right at all.

I tried to sleep even though it’s hard with ache all over my body. I felt  cold but my temp is high enough like I’ve got some fever and cold. It’s just ain’t feel right at all.

It’s about 1.30 in the very early morning of the day when I woke up and felt wet and weak and very ill and need to go the bathroom immediately. Too much blood. The bleeding still continuing, it turn out that I step on my own blood. I must have some medical help otherwise I could day running out my own blood. It’s now, no more cancellation , I could die.

The myoma made me like a wounded soldier dying desperately need help. My husband took me to the nearest hospital, about 2-3 kilometers from our house. I lied down on the car seat, hoping it would help me ease a little bit pain and the bleeding.

The nurse asked me to lie down, the ER doctor examined me right away. They applying infuse , an intravenous fluids infusion. It could be dangerous that  I need to stay dehydrated.  They also examine my eyes because it’s clearly how pale it was. A blood test to determine my status held immediately. I waited and try to sleep but couldn’t taking even a short nap. The room was barely strange and comfortless. And the lamps were too bright and strong even when I close my eyes.

Finally they send me out to another room, an inpatient care facility. Firstly, although my circumstances should be observed on an ICU (Intensive Care Unit) room, but I refused to be there. The sound of those life supporting machines really stress me out.  A VIP room so much better, maybe I could sleep better there.


The intensive bleeding on some short interval periods in a month made me lose so much blood. It’s  a simple explanation why I was so weak and limp. Even in a normal periods, usually some women need some more rest or break.

I ate a lot of food to help my stamina, but still it didn’t help much. I also took some blood booster medicine, but it didn’t effect much either. I took some more sleep, I though I  could manage it and just need some more rest to heal. But it didn’t work at all.

Even in a heavy periods, normally I just need some thick napkins, changed after 3 or 4 hours regularly. In turn out that I need to change it immediately  after 30 minutes or just one hour use. The blood run out so quickly. The time was running out. The bleeding is so much uncontrollable.

It was nearly in the middle of the night when I need to go to the bath room and change my feminine napkins. It’s so horrible, the bleeding was so bad. I changed my pajamas, it was so much blood on the napkins even some clot on the floor. It was so scary. I sat on the toilet to gain some more strength. Then I tried to reach out the door knob but felt so exhausted and so light and unbalance that I need to lean on the wall. I lost my consciousness and fell down to the floor. My husband heard something went wrong and rush to knock the door but I remained silent and lied still consciousness on the floor inside. How did I know?

Later after 5 or 10 minutes I regained my consciousness and managed to stand up, leaned on the wall again and watched some of my own thick blood clot on the floor. What a mess. I managed to come out.



It’s getting worse

It was getting worse, my second experiment  on the medicine I took was gone bad. Well, actually it happened right away after I finished the third bottle of 3 times daily take after meals.

My periods went completely wrong, horrible and could lead to dangerous situation that threaten my own life. Normally, my periods come about 25-26 days. Since I took the garlic cloves herbal, it turn out to be very heavy and full blood clot. It’s very new and scare me. It also made me feel weak and limp.

I am a mother of two. My little girl  a 14 years girl still is in Junior high school.  My daily routine after preparing the breakfast is drive her to school. And  pick her up late in the afternoon. I was too limp for everyday chores. It’s embarrassing but mostly I just want to lie down, take a rest and have some sleep.

Of course it’s not my fault, it’s my circumstances that made me so weak. Imagine a wounded soldier got shot in a battle. Some one must press the wound strong, otherwise he will  loose too much blood and die. The normal blood loss during a periods it’s around 30-40 milliliter. and around 60 milliliter on heavy periods. In my circumstances, it was more than 60 milliliters and it happened in a very short interval.

My periods turn to be 3-4 times in a month. How come? My gynecologist told me that it’s the uterus that made a thick layer of blood and reacted to the myoma inside as a non recognized substance my uterus contracted to send it out. That’s the explanation of the painful contraction and cram during my periods.

I still  didn’t realized that was a critical phase that must be observed by my gynecologist or the other doctor intensively. I realized that something bad happened my body couldn’t hold it any longer.


The Second Trial

I put a side the cucumber juice and took the medicine my gynecologist gave me for about 10 days. Not sure if it work good or not, but I wasn’t feeling a good and significant improve on my health. I switch to another option, the single clove garlic and some natural herbals emulsion. It taste a bit tangy, weird and smelly, but who care if you need the the goodness inside.

My periods become much heavier than usual. There a lot of blood cloth and tissue on the napkins. The herbal medicine I took, mostly for detoxify the toxin in my body out. I don’t know which organ toxin from. If you took the alternatives medicine, usually they’re not clinically test and proven. Of course there’s some local wisdom about the healing property that a plant specially have and develop for its own shake. Garlic for example,  they have a lot of health benefits  inside,  beside rich in flavor. It may lower cancer risk and cholesterol. It also has anty-inflammatory effect also improves insulin sensitivity. What a lot of goodness in that miracle herbs, a truly heaven gift.

I hope the second herbal choice I took give a lot of healing property benefits my health. Of course it’s sound like an experiment. But why didn’t give it a try? Since it’s still hard for me lying on operating theater to remove my uterus out . Just imagine went under the knife made feel pain and scared.

Actually if I could choose, I still considering that the herbal medicine is the natural way my body can adapt to most. I truly am prefer the natural way because I have allergic reaction to some medicine and some substances. I though that the best way  to stay safe was avoid the triggers. Well I know that I must take some risk, but if it for our own shake, why not?


The Denial

I feel good and optimistic that at least I know the situation. I did some on line research, read a lot of article and publication about the myomas. Luckily myomas mostly non cancerous. It grows in uterus during the childbearing years.  Some women have symptoms some don’t so it went unnoticed. That’s why on some cases, it was  too late and it could lead to cancerous growth.

But surgery is scaring and it’s not simple  thing. not an everyday moment that happened without any cause. I think the idea of hysterectomy it self stress me out. There some alternatives medicine especially with herbal or natural medicine. I hope it work and doing good on me.

First thing first my result about the alternatives medicine that I choose is the slimy sea cucumber juice. It taste a bit weird but still smell okay. Not bad. but even it taste horribly worse, if it has the healing property, why not? If you in my position, of course you can go to the doctor, do exactly like you  had to.  in my case, I just want to do my part, my intention is to avoid the surgery. It didn’t feel right and it’s my choice to postpone the surgery my gynecologist order me to. Well I don’t find any big difference. But on  my second visit to the doctor, indicated a bit swelling so the gynecologist gave me some antibiotics.

My periods still normal and regular, it means around 25 days and heavy bleeding for 4-5 days. I get use with heavier periods and I though it’s normal for my age as pre menopause and aging process. Little did I know that it’s the myoma inside my uterus that cause heavy bleeding during the periods.

When I looked back at how my previous years it used to be heavy but not so heavy that my IUD threw out from my womb. I just realized that it could be the growing myoma that made my Intrauterine device, as my birth control device, couldn’t no longer cope the myoma’s growing inside.



Surprise is a surprise, weather is good or not. I was shocked with the diagnose from my gynecologist that I had to remove out my uterus, my womb because the  myoma  fibroids  was too big and risky. Oh my goodness, hysterectomy is way to big and shocked. I am 47, in a good health, thanks God but to lose one of my organ, especially a feminine organ that differ me as a complete woman, although I have already been blessed wit two beautiful yet smart daughters it’s not an easy thing. I think I need to rethinking it again and again.

Myoma Fibroids, myoma geburt, myoma uteri there’s a lot of articles you googling but basically most woman have them. It just bothering or not. Some women have heavy bleeding in their periods, cram, pain, some just have normal periods with a little fuss. It really unique and very individual symptoms. Although most woman have myomas in their uterus, it doesn’t mean a very bad condition and they can have n live peacefully with them without hesitation.

Some woman even don’t care much about the situation and finally know it was too late for medication. Of course there some choice if they don’t want a surgery procedure. But still it considered to be dangerous n painful to keep. Imagine how shocked it was when you though that everything’s fine, undercontroll and normal. It’s just almost heavy periods, cram and pain that we get used to. Then the gynecologist the myoma inside is too big and must removed out immediately.

I think I need some time to ensure my self.  it doesn’t important why and how now but for sure I must take some actions, not juat let it be and let it go. It doesn’t matter how, it must be gone as soon as possible.

I wish I could known my own body better


The Vision

What kind of life you want to live in our life? Now, tomorrow, later? Of course for short term goal, finishing our duty, our task, some obligation as a wife, daughter or son of our parents, as a mother or father of our children. even a good citizen.

Time goes by, suddenly we 30, 40, 50. Lucky if we’re a good health, even still manage to a good shape, How’s our financial? is it good either? Enough saving for a good and comfort living after retirement? Or want do downsize everything in order to live efficiently, interest or loan free, move to a rural village, start our green and healthy natural life style? Volunteering while travelling, making some documentaries, try to live in remote and distinct places, go to the very unpopular yet exotic not mainstream  beaches, forest, hill, valley a lot of must go places

A lot of thing to do before we die. You only life once. Just visualize and draw what kind life you want to live in, what kind of thing you want to do. Where do you want to go, what kind of place you want to visit most or live there. Visualize and start our step toward them.  Nothing possible if we start prepare it from now. Saving, investing than harvesting.

How good it would be, live in a cottage near the beach. The white sand I can touch and feel with my bare feet. The waves splash and touch my skin, the wind blow my hair. The seagulls love to soar to others. How good it would be drinking some coffee or tea or hot chocolate, watching the sunset from our very own porch. How I love to live in a white limestone facade house, upfront the beach. A bit hilly so I can see a wide horizons, wide and borderless.

Those vision make me stronger and  full of spirit. A guidance to the life I want to live in and don’t mind for a hard days and times now.




The Preparation

No matter how old we are now, we lead to the retirement phase.  For who’s 40 and more, the word pension, retired a bit burdening and stressing. How old we want to quit our job? Some of us want to have early pension. Other want to resign in younger age, then spend their time as a traveler, their hobbies, families. A lot of we can do if there’s no certain obligation to our job.

Preparation is the key for a good retirement. Of course we need enough money, who doesn’t? But the money must work for us, if we want to retire in our standard.  Is there any one who want to take lower standard of life? Most of us can;t bear it. Once you have in certain way, do you even want to reduce or lose it? Unless something extremely bad happen and we have no choice left.

Some people start to have their own business while working somewhere else. Some just waited until they leave the job and start their own office. Whatever it is, it’s our choice. Just don’t let the spirits gone, wasting too much time on unwanted jobs.

There so many ways to start the business. Some even doesn’t need much money. Some class we can join easily. Now days community, just need an approval to join this. Of course there’a process behind for filtering. Once you join a community, not only in real world, also a lot of online community, you can get the most benefit of them.

Just find our true passion. Live it, make our self good in it.  Make it works and making some money for us. The shifting economy allowed us to have money with unimaginable ways never done before. It’s clearly enough, involving or step a side.

Some very old people still willing to learn the new things. Why we must give a way every change in our life happen. Nothing stay the same except the change it self, doesn’t it?