The Option

The gynecologist seem didn’t surprise when I told her about the irregular yet heavy bleeding. The surgery option worried me much. The problem is the myoma need surgery soon, but I still am hesitated to that option. If I hold on to my decision, it could hostile me with anytime heavy bleeding, 3-4 times uncontrollable heavy periods in a month. That’s way too much and could lead to a shock for losing too much blood.

My doctor saw that it was hard and scare me to do the hysterectomy. So she ensure me about the surgery option.  First,  she will try her best first to pull the myoma out barely with her hand and examine my uterus, make sure everything’s good and nothing else to worry about. She would do that on a certain conditions that  my half upper body sedated, so I wouldn’t feel the pain. If it can’t be done, than she would make a stomach incision to pull the myoma out.

The surgery without incision  lower the bleeding risk and I can recovery so much sooner than with incision. Maybe in 1 or 2 days I will be good enough to go home and have a full recovery in 1 week with proper and good rest. The gynecologist recommended me to have the surgery as soon as possible. She even gave me a referral treatment  memo for the internist as a preparation before under the knife. But just in case the hysterectomy must be done, the myomektomy procedure  will be set as the priority and the first choice.

it so much dangerous and risky to put my self hanging and hostile by uncertain condition like this. The bleeding could happen anytime. Though the doctor gave me some medicine, the hormonal pills, the iron booster, also some pain killer to ease the pain and reduce the uterus contraction that made me heavy bleeding, the myoma inside was to big and dangerous to grow on.

My Periods

My periods usually very regular. It used to be every 24-25 days. It’s usually started with a thin layer of pink blood or 1 or 2 blood spot followed by the heavy bleeding on the day 2 or 3 around 3 days. Even though my periods a bit too heavy, I still manage with the iron booster pills.

Usually as I was in my childbearing years, a fertile phase, I use intra uterine device to avoid the pregnancy. My little girl is a teenager who doesn’t want a baby boy presence as her younger brother either. The intra uterine device (IUD) meant to stay good within with regular check up for 5 years. The gynecologist put it in nearly middle of 2013 and it went well until one day when I went to a shopping mall and need to use public toilet, it came out suddenly with the urine.

Of course I was shocked, a bit worry and have a bad thinking of that. First I thought it was something else on the toilet paper a piece of thin wire or wood.  It was not hurt or painful so while waiting for meet the gynecologist I consult my aunt who was a retired midwife. She told me it could happen in a very heavy periods. She even offering me another one if I need it, to make me comfort and easier.

Actually the pregnancy controller not only women part. Men can actively take part of them. There some option for men beside the condoms. If I chose the IUD it was because it’s easy, practical and not contain any hormone substance that bothering my periods cycle.

I never though that when the IUD came out, it’s a very early sign that something growing abnormally inside my womb. The very intense and heavy periods could lead to some very serious problem we must pay attention more.

He was far far away

My husband work as a public prosecutor in Attorney General Office. Some of his duty send him across the country. Some job ask him to fly far far away to European Country for around one week. An international event  or invitation must be attended by inter department delegation. My husband usually do the speech, involved in mutual agreement, mutual legal assistance and cooperation among the countries. His role is important enough so he even had to be an overseas frequent flyer.

Because of his busy daily schedule, I decided to be a stay at home mom, so every time my children need their parent, at least one of them, I always there for them. When I was sick, actually it was not a big problem because I live and stay in a big house with my parent in law. My  parent in law can take care my children. Not so much because the were old and got their own health problems. They even had to reschedule their trip for a doctor visit in other city around 7 hours trip by the train, while visiting their home town every 2 or 3 month.

That time, my husband must fly to Vienna, Austria, nearly a 20 hours direct flight from our city. He must be checked in that Saturday afternoon when I must revisit my doctor for a week control after going home from the hospital. So after preparing and do the last checking for the flight, my husband dropped me in to the hospital, waiting for around 1 hours together before the doctor arrived.  But he must leave soon. The traffic jam on Saturday could be very horrible sometimes. He could miss the flight.

So I sit alone on the lobby, waiting for my daughters to come. It’s their turn to accompany me. I couldn’t barely move even to the bathroom, afraid I might collapse, walking unbalance to the toilet.

Even though he love to stay, he couldn’t and I know I must be strong enough to carry on.


The Assistant

In my country, it’s common to have an assistant to do the chores. When my children were small, I have an assistant too, so I can take care and nurturing my children better. Some working usually hire a baby sitter. I prefer to take my children all by my self. It’s a good chance to make a strong bonding with them. A special relationship between a mother and the children. Beside, mostly I work from home. It makes my schedule flexible.

Some assistant paid to stay with us, do the chores and whatever household task she’s been ask for like cooking, cleaning, take care for the children, drop the children of to their school and pick them up. Some baby sitters are even waiting for them while they’re in school or play group class. It’s a bit different because some family spoil their children with so much attention just for the parents need of secure feeling while they must leave their children for working.

Actually my husband think that our children spoiled too much without giving them the house chores. so in middle of this year, I started to do all the chores again with some delegation to my girls  to make them more responsible and not spending too much time in their room. As for me it’s a chance to a little bit activity and exercise because  usually I spend too much time sitting in front of my laptop doing some work.

The assistant took the chores especially in cleaning the house, manage the laundry, grocery shopping. The meal easily to find out there or just make an order to be delivered. I cook a little, only simple and easy meal for another option. But it’s clearly the assistant only help my house, not me. My body still isn’t feeling well. I got exhausted soon and easily.



Not good enough yet

It was very glad to go home. It just felt right. How good and fancy the nursing room you can afford in a hospital, it still was  not a home, it’s just a room. I tried to do some activity, the chores, slowly not force my self. Just to have something to do than lying in the bed almost all day.

My husband drove our girl to school. Dropped her by on the way to his office early in the morning. Later in the afternoon she could use the public transportation home. It’s just about 1 kilometers or 2 so it did’t take so much time that make me worried. She even can walk from home to school if she want and not so tired. But she rarely do that. A high school student always carry many book for some lesson. The school doesn’t have locker facility for the pupils. Some on line based transportation also help with another option. There’s gojek, grab and uber bike to chose. Mostly easier to call and have economical rate.

Well, although I was going easy with the chores, not took to many activity it’s clearly that I became tired soon. I just felt it’s different. A bit fever, unbalance mood, sleepy, weak and feeling incompetence. maybe because physically, the transfusion of some blood bags only consider to a minimum standard. I must boost the hemoglobin with the foods and medicine. How can we operate the system regularly if there’s a lack of oxygen on our blood delivered by a fewer transporter. But the food I took even though rich in iron, sometimes it doesn’t help much when I loss the appetite. I just ate when I was hungry to make my organ function well.  The appetizer didn’t help much.

It was clearly that I wasn’t good enough. Oh well not yet.


The Aftermath

I recovered soon. There’s no after surgery abnormal bleeding. I found some of my friend visit me in, brought some fruits and food, glad and relief with the result. We used to share the good and the bad news, but I was a bit keeping this from them. Well actually I didn’t tell most of them about my condition. The myoma uteri, the uteri fibroid. are common in woman. Mostly woman around  40 with pre menopausal condition have the symptoms.  It’s just bothering or not, dangerous or normal. In my case it led to several heavy bleeding period cycles that made me loss too much blood, so I need an extreme treatment, the surgery.

The cause it self actually still a mystery. There are some factors that could fasten the fibroid growing: some diet, obesity factors, the unbalance hormones. The last one could be the main culprit of the abnormal and uncontrollable growing fibroid inside the uterus. Some cases even have a big enough fibroid and still manage to have normal activity.

My gynecologist visited me the day after. Made sure everything’s good. It was painful when she had to take the after surgery tampons out. No anesthetic use, so I bit my lips tried to hold the pain . She also told me that she sow the stem first before cut and pull it out to minimize the bleeding risk. The womb was also clear so I don’t need to worry about other fibroid anymore.

Actually it’s a bit strange because the consultant show me with the 4D USG picture before, some of small bump considered to be a very small myoma that could grow later. The two doctors have their own opinion, the first one that did the surgery sense with her own hand an said it was clear and safe. The second one use the ultimate device. I think to minimize the regrow possibility is by a regular visit and examination to my gynecologist later.

The Examination

On Saturday morning, the female hospital gynecologist visit me on my second day  staying. I was good and fresh, I even took a shower before the lab technician  got some blood for the second test. I bet my hemoglobin level would be  good enough so I can go home.

Well last night I could sleep well, because they put of the intravenous infusion hose so I could sleep on my both side and that much better for me.  I also ate almost the meal all to boost my energy. It’s a very good and fast progress because I came in with a yellow ribbon in my arm. That mean a patient with falling down risk so need a companion even to the bath room. And look at me now, on Saturday morning I was much stronger, alive, healthy full of spirit.

The gynecologist told me to wait for her schedule later, so she can examine me better in her office later in the afternoon. Well, if it’s good and necessary, why not. It’s just a bit boring waiting her schedules.  The gynecologist that examined me was the second one, so I bring her the USG result from the first gynecologist. The second gynecologist, told me that my myoma was big enough and it’s a bit down to the cervic. That caused the contraction most.  My uterus rejected it as it a non identified substance. Some kind like a dangerous toxin that our body programmed to flush it out. It has a stem, so it categorized as myoma geburt. On mostly case it cause a very heavy bleeding periods.

She also told me that I was lucky and not late rushed to the hospital because of my very low hemoglobin. The almost 4 blood bags transfusion has succed to push up my hemoglobin level to 8,8. So I was safe enough to go home.


The Love and Patience

It was very early Friday when my husband brought me to the ER. It was a hectic and busy day, but in that situation, an emergency one that my husband couldn’t leave. There’s a lot of consent forms and some administration procedure that he must sign before the patience treatment. So somebody must take the responsibility about the in house patient. He was with me, in emergency room, he was also beside me when the nurses push my bed to the nursery room on the 5th floor. He even fed me the meal so I can regain my energy. Actually this is the third for me to be an in house patient. The first and the second before, were when I delivered our beautiful baby girls many years ago.

My hubby used to be very busy in his office, but that day, he had no choice except make a company of me. I saw him a little bit awkward,  not feeling comfort, tired, a bit nervous but maintained to be  calm and reliable, to make me feel comfort. He truly is my comforter, his shoulder made me feel safe and warm, his presence made my worried mind blown away.

I didn’t know what would I do without him, if he wasn’t with me at that moment. I used to be an independence woman, a woman for me, in my picture must be a strong creature because she must bear and nurture the children. But being a wife, it’s very nice that I have somebody who take a very good care of me. Who love me and be patience with me and accept me with all my everything. Not only my good side, but also my bad one. Someone that I can lean on, somebody to hold on.  Lucky I have him. Thanks Love, for your love and patience for caring me. I love you

The Reaction

The first blood bag delivered nearly early morning. It dripped slowly, very much slowly like my body refused to. The process was delaying a bit too long and it wasn’t  good anymore. so they took it away and waited for another one.

The blood started to separate the component inside and if it entering my body in contradiction could harm my body, burdening my organ and could be dangerous.The second blood bag transported some hours after the administration procedure that I didn’t know.

How was I supposed to know when all I can do just lying helplessly . Even when I need to go to the bath room, my head  felt so bloody hot and boiling. I fainted again for the second time. The last think I remembered, I tried to reach out and hold the washing basin  before fell down and sitting on the floor. They gave me an antihistamine shot just in case my body show sign of refusal. Well it very much weird, bad, embarrassing also funny at the same time. My body  reacted  by spreading rash and small bump all over the skin. And my scalp went wild. It was very itchy, like I got a thousand lice on my head crawled  onto my  scalp and hair. I was desperately scratching and scratching until they gave another anti histamine shot.

I couldn’t barely sleep, since I arrived. Luckily I can eat well. Maybe too hungry and too much blood loss and need as soon as possible regeneration, recharge and redemption. Thank God my second and the third blood bag relatively went well. It was just a little bit fuss in dripping fluently, a little clog in the infuse valve but could  easily be fixed.

After my fourth blood bags, It’s clearly that I gained my strength very much much than when I first came. I think I could be home soon.


The Hemoglobin

My hemoglobin dropped extremely low. It was only 4.4. The normal standard for women is around 12-16. with a normal menstruation, it’s never in ideal level, how the world it could be in a good level for I got 3 to 4 times heavy periods because of the myoma inside. I was so lucky because the extra low hemoglobin didn’t made me shocked. Some patient got shocked, remain unconscious and could’t recuperate and never wake up again.  It’s was a right decision to find help right away in that critical situation. Thank God.

The hemoglobin, an iron containing blood transport metalloprotein in our  red blood cells to our whole body.  Imagine a lot of dump trucks unloading the deliverance of fresh blood rich in oxygen and loading the  blood with carbon dyoxide straight away.

The function is very vital for our life. As we take a breath, it’s the hemoglobine who deliver the oxygen. The lower level of hemoglobine in our blood, the fewer oxygen  level in our blood. A simple explanation why I felt so weak, fatigue and very ill. there wasn’t enough red blood cells to deliver the oxygen need. I need blood transfusion right away to lift it up. In a normal situation, some medicine and additional  food rich with iron could help. But in this emergency situation, the only way to help me is blood transfusion.

It was meant to transfuse 4 blood bags to leverage my hemoglobin. Theoretically it need 1 blood bag to lift 1 point hemoglobin level. One blood bag is around 350 cc and I need 4 bags, just to lift up and a safe zone. I lied down try to gain my strength while they prepare the transfusion. I was hungry, shaky and limp at that moment. Of course I remained conscious but couldn’t barely sleep. The waiting process seemed for so long. But at least I believe it safe, so much believe that I was in the right hand.